Let's be Frank: Nothing Comes Close

Sitting by the radio, watching the rotating spools of a TDK 90 minute cassette as they consigned the gig of my lifetime to a strip of magnetically coated plastic, I made myself a promise: I would never miss out on anything ever again.  A difficult pledge to adhere to, but one I strive to uphold.

I have since seen Oasis play at Finsbury Park, The City of Manchester and Wembley Stadia, and had a whale of a time in the process.  But that 1996 Knebworth Park performance was the peak of their power and the pinnacle of a Britpop era that punctuated my puberty.  Everything after that, being brazenly and brutally honest, was watching the group in decline.

I openly admit that I enjoy the longevity of following horses that jump over fences and hurdles in the National Hunt arena year after year, but sometimes their demise can also be protracted.  Whilst the flat may not always lavish upon us the same depth of character that its winter/spring counterpart delivers, it is difficult to argue against the pure, unabated qualities of the Classic generation. 

So, not to miss out, I went to Doncaster a few weeks ago hoping to see history being rewritten before my eyes as Camelot seized the triple-crown.   I wasn’t convinced though, and layed the Coolmore colt to the tune of about £200 [I’m aware it should probably be spelt “laid” but I prefer my way when it comes to betting].   Yes, I can say “I was there”, but this experience didn’t fill the bon viveur void that I’ve been searching for since 1996.

It mattered not.  Seeing Frankel in the flesh at Ascot last year was my Knebworth.

See if you can you spot me in the winner's enclosure with Frankel et al

 

Heading back to Berkshire tomorrow to bid him farewell, I have read, listened and watched as journalists, pundits and enthusiasts discuss the issues.  The sub-plots are enchanting:  Will the ground be a problem for him?  Is Cirrus des Aigles the toughest opponent he is yet to encounter?  Isn’t it fitting that Nathaniel, whom Frankel met in his first race at Newmarket in 2010, should bookend his old foe’s career at a track where he has had much success himself?  What will St Nicholas Abbey be making of it all?  Has Excelebration become so accustomed to being whipped by Frankel that, rather than celebrating his Queen Elizabeth II Stakes victory tomorrow, he’ll be found back in his box, miserably leafing through a copy of 50 Shades of Grey to satisfy some kind of equine sadomasochism?

Most readers of this blog will be familiar with most of that already.  So, with only four competitors lining up alongside “The Freak”, discounting stable mate and pacemaker Bullet Train, this is how I see the result panning out tomorrow:

1.      Frankel – I can’t bear the thought of him & Queally flopping.  He will win.

2.      Nathaniel – I love Buick and have fond memories of his King George win here, after which Gosden’s words to the media in the wake of Rewilding’s death provided a particularly poignant moment.  I think Nathaniel can bounce back from enforced absence at Longchamp and overturn the rivalry with Cirrus des Aigles, with whom I expect him to be jousting for the runner-up spot.

3.      Cirrus des Aigles – I was hoping Christophe Soumillon would come over to exorcise his Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe demons, but maybe he is still bitter about his huge fine in this race last year... although probably not.   Olivier Peslier clearly knows how to guide “Cloud of the Eagles” to victory but I’m sure he will settle for a win on board exciting sprinter Wizz Kid instead.

4.      Pastorius – Tipped up at 10-1 (without Frankel) in the Weekender by Paul Kealy, he’s had three wins and a place in his last four outings back home in Germany.  16 years ago his jockey, Frankie Dettori, "did a Hughsie" at Ascot (1996 certainly was an eventful year) and many will rightly see his partnership with this course-specialist rider as a real positive.  All my sentiment and emotion has already been used up for this race though, so I’m sticking with the above Trifecta.

5.      Master of Hounds – Figures of 3181 coming into this and only catches the eye as he’s in the hands of Ryan Moore.

6.      Bullet Train – One of the best pacemakers out there, but that’s it for now.  Behind every great golfer is a clued-up caddy, and Bullet Train pulls out the correct club for Frankel every time.  

Even on testing, boggy ground coming round Swinley Bottom, I expect Tom Queally to be characteristically calm and composed on the back of Frankel, with whom he has developed a beautifully harmonious rhythm.   I’m looking forward to Queally opening up the son of Galileo in front of the packed grandstands and winning by a decent margin.  Five lengths or more is trading at 2.62 (about 13/8) on Betfair at the moment and I think that’s a fair price for a 2pt+ stake. 

But my main advice for the race, clichéd as it may be, is to savour the final outing of a living legend performing at the zenith of his abilities.  Sing along when he holds the microphone in your direction, hold your lighters aloft and say “I was there”.  And if you were not actually there, don’t fret – my mum told me in 1996 that I’d get another chance... I did, and you will.  It might just take a few years, so Roll With It.

Palphabet's Summer of Love... Loving It

It’s been an interesting summer at Palphabet HQ, dominated by both the attending and planning of stag weekends and weddings.  My brother got hitched, my pal Mowells endured a highland game themed send-off into marital bliss and just this weekend my old housemate Dicky aka Turps / Uncle Fester / Dot Cotton etc tied the knot up in Doncaster.  Love is well and truly in the air.

Tossing the Caber in Scotland

Dicky - A Man of a Hundred Faces

This would normally leave little time for keyboard-bashing, but coupled with the fact that I am also getting married next month, and it’s been pretty difficult to sit   down and write anything on here.  Then I saw that Scott Ferguson was flexing his influential blog-community muscles, perhaps in frustrated response to his country’s dismal performance thus far at the Olympics, so I thought I better post something.

I’m off to the Olympic Park this afternoon to watch Andy Murray v Roger Federer on the big screen before heading into the stadium for the finals of the women’s 400m, the men’s hammer throw, and the blue riband event, the men’s 100m dash.  Do they still make Blue Riband chocolate bars?  I enjoyed those.

Watching Mo Farah on TV last night was emotional – he was on the bridle the whole way round and on that final lap demonstrated a rapid turn of foot with such assurance that my 4pt stake at evens on Betfair was never in doubt.  My pokes into the SPOTY market also look in reasonable shape.  Yes, Wiggins appears a certainty, but his price has drifted from 1.12 to 1.42 over the past few days, and I simultaneously layed him and snapped up £37 of Mo at 24s, which should provide ample trading opportunity as the months roll on and the collective idiocy of the British public phone up and vote for a Ryan Giggs-esque character.

The Olympics on the BBC have been wonderful.  The theme tune is sublime and the coverage has been a joy to behold.  Kudos also to the Sky+ team, who have updated their iPhone App with the requisite BBC channels dedicated to broadcasting every event of the games in a show of stunning broadcasting commitment. 

But one word of dissatisfaction.  Have you noticed this not just creeping, but dive-bombing into the audio commentary: “I’m sat watching the handball...” or “I’m stood here with so-and-so” ?

It’s “sitting” and “standing”.  Mark Chapman is excellent in so many ways, but his insistence on using past-tense terminology to describe something he is currently doing is irritating at best, abysmal at worst.  I’m all for regional presenters reaching the pinnacle of their profession, and I’m no fan of received pronunciation, but this lack of respect for the English language is grating.  Beeb: Sort it out.

***

In more positive news, I’ve been delighted to see the return to form of Tom Segal over the past few weeks.  His Glorious Goodwood form has been gloriously good and has provided a couple of much needed wins to counter a few weeks of dearth.  Laying Adam Scott in the Open felt like a massive win – I was exposed to the tune of over £500 if he had prevailed – but I was also gutted for Scotty and in reality my only “winnings” from that event were “not losing a monkey”.  He has bags of talent and played beautifully for 68 holes on the Lancashire links.  Presuming he’s reading this, I would advise him to ditch both the ridiculous long putter and his caddy.  He has the grit to bounce back and compete again in next week’s US PGA, for which he’s trading at 33-1.  Louis Oosthuizen is currently in contention at the WGC Firestone but a six-and-a-half-grand windfall looks out of reach following Rafael C-B’s horror show third round seven-over-par yesterday.

Finally, a word for Frankel.  In his season as a four-year-old I have had my biggest and smallest ever single bet on him.  Whether at 1/3 or 1/20, it's nice to be on!  Both gave me huge pleasure and I’m certainly intrigued and exhilarated by the prospect of seeing him step up in trip.  His wonder-sire, Galileo, must be very proud, if you permit me a momentary anthropomorphic indulgence.

All-Time Monster Chaser - the Star may never be Kaut

The Festive Season & a Retrospective Glance at 2011

Did any of you heed my Boxing Day treble?

"Why not back the following in a triple.. all PF Nicholls runners at Kempton on Boxing Day:

Silviniaco Conti 4/1
Rock on Ruby 15/8
Kauto Star 4/1"

Hope not - as it would not have paid out - but it was mightily close on a Boxing Day that will long live in the memory for reasons other than bubble & squeak and turkey sandwiches.

The three Grade 1 races were all fiercely contested, treating the packed galleries to spine-tingling finishes in the very short run-in to home after the last flight.

Grands Crus rewarded those of us who have stuck with him this season (http://palphabet.blogspot.com/2011/11/crus-ing-into-jump-season.html), showing that the step up from Novice Hurdling to Novice Chasing is not asking too much of this powerful grey, who jumped gracefully under Tom Scu and held off Silviniaco Conti.  I backed the 1-2 in this race with a toteexacta and a reverse at the track, and also had profitable returns using the same tactic in the Christmas Hurdle.

AP gave Binocular a vintage ride, switching from out wide of Rock on Ruby and Overturn, who looked strong three from home, and turned the former Champion Hurdler towards the rail, where he just had enough to beat Ruby Walsh on a mount bearing his name, but not named after him.  “Ruby” actually refers to a Ladies’ Shop in Sherbourne:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/racing/article-1343274/Captains-log-Emerging-star-Rock-On-Rubys-Newbury-success-music-Festival-Goers-ears.html




The highlight of the day (and arguably, year) was obviously seeing Kauto Star regain his King George title.  Column inches in national newspapers and racing press alike have done more justice to l ‘Extraterrestrial than I could here, so I’ll just post a few pictures and direct you to this tweet of mine (right).  It shows Kauto leaping eight from home like a gazelle on springs and the collective intake of breath from the packed Kempton gallery will ring in my ears for many a year.





For readers not familiar with the greatest chaser of our generation, have a look at this excellent piece from “Honest” Frank Keogh:  
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_sports/horse_racing/8425970.stm

 Finally, I’m going to use this blog to summarise some personal highlights of 2011, many of which I have experienced first-hand.  They’re in no particular order, and are subject to debate, but for one reason or another they have heightened my emotions throughout this memorable year of sport, betting and betting on sport:

Frankel – The Freak was the feature on the flat in 2011 and I had increasingly large stakes and ever diminishing odds in the Guineas, the Sussex “Duel on the Downs” and on Champions’ Day at Ascot, which was one of my best days out of all time! There are loads of pics from the day here: http://palphabet.blogspot.com/2011_10_01_archive.html

Nice & close to the action at Champs Day

Denman – we got a cat this year and named him after “The Tank”  - seeing him finishing a gallant second to Long Run in the Gold Cup was a beautiful sight.  The horse that is, not my cat.

Denman enjoying his retirement

Kauto Star – as mentioned above – what a fantastic return for this high class chaser –  he may be less of a “horse for the people” when compared to his next door neighbour, but Kauto paid for Christmas!

Don't fret, Mr Christie, I'm sure you'll be seeing me again

The Gold Cup at Cheltenham featuring the above two Ditcheat superstars was a classic, and seeing those two bomb up the home straight, albeit behind the Dentist & Long Run, left all the respective connections feeling like winners on the day.  We’ve already booked our tickets and accommodation for the 2012 festival, which is only a few months away.

The honours board at Cheltenham - this McCoy cha(m)p seems fine

Barzalona – his celebration on Pour Moi was so iconic that Ruby Walsh replicated it on board Kauto Star on Boxing Day!  I listened to this race on the wireless whilst at Lord’s watching England v Sri Lanka’s test match and it sounded like Andre Fabre’s colt was out of the picture.  He touched over 30-1 in running and came from the back to steal it, but Mickael’s arrogant fist-punch, standing up in the stirrups would’ve left most thinking he’d romped home.  He’s obviously had his fair share of photo finishes in the past.

We all know "that picture" of Mickael but I like this shot, from Edward Whitaker's superb "Beyond the Frame"  

Barcelona V Man United – Barcelona available at evens to win this contest in 90 minutes still looks like a great shout if you were on.  I enjoyed it in a Spanish bar in Shoreditch with my Barcelona shirt on – a masterclass in football, firmly putting Fergie et al in their place again.



Journalists beware...

I will find you

Meeting Henry Winter & Guillem Balague at The Emirates v Barcelona – two doyens of sporting journalism took the time to pose with me – I don’t know how often they get stopped by fans of their work!

Djokovic – in 2010, I failed to lay Roger Federer as he had two match points over the Serbian in the semi-final of the US Open, and Nolé made me pay.  I lost £425.  This year, I didn’t make the same mistake, and was more able to savour a great year for the likeable powerhouse. http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011/sep/11/us-open-2011-federer-djokovic

Yes, RFed went on to LOSE this match - look at those numbers!

Darren Clarke – my first experience of live golf was down on the Kent coast – live links golf.  I backed Clarke on my way down from St Pancras with £100 at 4s on Betfair, and was on the 18^th green as he lifted the Claret Jug.  No phones allowed on course, but I bought a lovely branded radio to listen to events unfold whilst following DC, Mickelson, Jiménez and the Yank in orange around the undulating countryside.

A-FORE-mentioned Open branded wireless radio

Ashes – this seems so long ago now but the start of the year was characterised by late nights and red eyes as Essex boy-wonder Cookie showed the Aussies how to bat.

Sachin – I honestly thought that I would see him get his 100^th ton this summer, and was sure, with tickets booked for Lord’s, the Oval and Edgbaston, that I would witness it in the flesh.  He was looking in great shape in the midlands with an ominous strike rate of 66.66 before stepping on his stumps for 40.   http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2011/aug/13/sachin-tendulkar-india-england

http://www.espncricinfo.com/england-v-india-2011/engine/match/474474.html

Tendulkar takes guard at Edgbaston.  Little did those stumps know what he would do to them later.

Orient 1-1 Sheffield United http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/15319619.stm it may have just been a relatively early-in-the-season league fixture to most, but to this blogger it represented a confirmation that our poor start to the campaign was unfortunate, rather than indicative of a deep malaise.   Down to 10 men, having had left-back “Champagne” Charlie Daniels sent off by idiotic official Oliver Langford, veteran striker Kevin Lisbie snatched the draw for the Os in the 6^th minute of 2^nd half stoppage-time.  A pitch invasion nearly ensued; saliva was allegedly projected in the direction of the Blades’ dugout.  As savoury as one of Brisbane Road’s infamous Chicken Balti Pies, I’m not going to defend that behaviour, but I leapt out of my seat and jumped around like a maniac and gyrated in a way reminiscent of the Kassam Stadium, Oxford, May 6^th 2006, when I was chased off of the pitch by a police horse.

"He's got no hair but we don't care" - Slade celebrates the point against Sheffield United as it all kicks off in E10

http://www.leytonorient.com/page/MatchReport/0,,10439~57712,00.html

http://www.leytonorient.com/page/MatchReport/0,,10439~29206,00.html

Judd Trump – OK, so my punt on him to win Sports Personality of the Year was foiled by all except those nice nominators from Nuts magazine (or was it Zoo?) but I had sizeable returns from him making the final of the World Championship in 2011 and going on to claim the UK title just a few weeks ago, beating Rocket Ronnie on the way.  This playboi is one for the future, no doubt, and yes, I’m talking about SPOTY.

Palphabet finds itself in the rarest of scenarios - a green book

Phew - I have enjoyed one hell of a sporting year!  Finally, a cursory mention for a) Hamilton v Massa – I just found their episodes this year mildly amusing; and b) David Silva – for me, the 2^nd best thing in the Premier League after Mario Balotelli, but certainly the best player on any pitch in England throughout 2011, apart from Paul-José M’Poku.

M'Posing with Belgian wonderkid PJ M'Poku.  I do miss him terribly.

I wish all Palphabet readers a happy new year and the best of luck during 2012.

Mwah!

Crus-ing into the Jump Season



Grands Crus makes the weight count at Cheltenham yesterday in the 2m 4f Novice Chase

P&L (LAST 30 DAYS)

Boxing: -£18.95 | Cricket: -£6.00 | Horse Racing: £582.10 | Motor Sport: -£31.99 | Soccer: £166.81 | Tote: | Total P&L: £691.97

As I settle down, cup of tea on my little living-room table, to The Morning Line, I’ve finally got a chance to put electronic pen to LCD-projected paper and recollect some of my finest memories of a memorable flat-racing summer.

Back in March at Cheltenham, I met a chap called Simon Hawes for the first time.  Our mutual friend @paolobow introduced us just before Ruby Walsh powered Big Buck’s to another World Hurdle (leaving yesterday’s triumphant Novice Chaser Grands Crus in his wake) and we jumped around a town-centre pub in celebration at Buck’s’s victory (apostrophe carnage!), spilling Guinness and chucking phones around the room, quickly forming a burgeoning friendship built on mutual respect.

Little did I know that when we met at the track the next day, I nearly threw that new found amity away with the kind of disregard normally given to a losing betting slip.  Discussing the national hunt code of horse racing, I made a throwaway comment that went thus: “Ah lads.. it’s ALL about jump racing.. the flat really doesn’t have much for me.. I just don’t see what the fuss is about!”

To Hawes, it was as though I had not just insulted the facial hair sprouting unkemptly from just under his bottom lip; I might as well have taken a pair of tweezers to it and pulled each wiry black hair out, one by one.

@paolobow later told me that he had to hold Simon back: “just leave it, Si,” he said. “Not now.”

OK.  I was wrong.  I made a mistake.  As I always say: that’s why they put rubbers on the end of pencils.  I had, of course, enjoyed the flat in the past, but I just found the jumps more exciting, and I preferred the characters – the older horses like Denman and Kauto Star, who keep coming back after a decade of unabated efforts.  The risks they seem to take are higher, leaping over hurdles and fences into open ditches and soft, cold, winter turf.  I shouldn’t, however, have been so dismissive.

I’ve spent the summer reading up on the history of the flat, the prestige of the classics, the majesty of Longchamp and the pedigree and bloodstock associated with siring the next generation of thoroughbred racehorses.  It all begain with three original animals, the Byerley Turk, the Darley Arabian and the Godolphin Barb, probably over four centuries ago, and modern studs like Coolmore and  the Juddmonte Farms continue to produce the goods to this day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thoroughbred  

I still think the National Hunt season holds more personal excitement for me, and I relished layed Cue Card yesterday with liabilities to the tune of £170, backing Grands Crus and roaring Tom Scudamore home as he made the weight advantage count and proved his class in the move from hurdles to fences,.  But now at least I can say to Simon, Paolo and the rest of you that I have been educated, enraptured and enriched by opening up my heart and my wallet to the flat, and I’m already looking forward to seeing the return of the speed demons in 2012.

Five Personal highlights/memories from the 2011 flat season:

1.   Having backed Frankel in the Guineas and lumped on at odds-against in the Duel on the Downs, seeing him in the flesh at very close quarters in the Ascot parade ring and winners’ enclosure took my breath away and earned me not one, but two photograph appearances in the Racing Post. http://palphabet.blogspot.com/2011/10/from-newmarket-nightmare-to-freaky.html

2.   Going to HQ for the first time since I was a nipper for my Nan’s 80^th birthday party, and promptly losing a monkey. “All part and parcel of a day at the track” as Simon put it.

3.   The thought of Goldikova and Galileo going at it! What a sire that beast is.. I want him to wine and dine Goldi, treating her with the respect she deserves, but really Gal, hold nothing back when you get down to making the beast with two backs.

4.   John Gosden’s utter class in the aftermath of Rewilding’s death at Ascot.  I was on the Godolphin colt that day and it was very clear that Gosden had more concern for the fallen horse than for his own triumphant Nathaniel.

5.   Watching many a YouTube video of Black Caviar tearing through the “competition” down under.  She is an awesome animal, who glides around the course like a big cat: stealth of a panther, speed of a cheetah.. I sound like the theme tune to the cartoon Bravestarr, but I don’t care and we will all be in for a treat if she comes up this way next year (although not if she starts at 1-33!) http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=black+caviar&aq=f

From Newmarket Nightmare to Freaky Frankel Fightback

As predicted, the Nan at Newmarket ninth decade celebration (http://palphabet.blogspot.com/2011/10/enjoyment-is-eternal.html) ended in despair as I chased losses and ended up around £600 down, backing short-priced favourites with reckless beer-blinded abandon, throwing all strategic research out the window.

I have to say, HQ premier enclosure disappointed somewhat: bar staff who didn't seem to know the difference between a pint of Guinness and a gin & tonic; security staff who wouldn't let my grandparents out onto the viewing gallery until they had necked their drinks (not an easy feat, even for my relatives, when you're more used to sipping than supping); staff in general who may have been drafted in for a particularly busy day but who really didn't represent the Cambs / Suffolk border in the way one would have expected. 

Ascot's Champions' Day, on the other hand, did not disappoint.  Some staff passes afforded entry into otherwise prohibited parts of the track, and at no point anywhere did men in orange vests attempt to curtail our enjoyment by demanding we take drinks inside.  Neither did any barmen or women need me to explain how to pour a drink.

The previous week's losses of a Monkey and a bag of hooves were more or less replenished thanks to hefty performances from Deacon Blues, Opinion Poll (TBP), hefty stakes on horse-of-a-generation Frankel, and hefty tipping from Mr Tom Segal, who we all followed in on the final handicap of the day, netting a 28-1 winner and a 17-1 place (Edinburgh Knight and Castles in the Air respectively) and returning just shy of 300 quid.

I'll let some pictures tell the rest of the story - we had a great day and I'd also like to recommend you check out beatboxing supremos Duke (@dukeofficial), who rounded off the ceremonies with a fantastic array of lip & tongue techniques not seen put to such good use since Emmanuelle IV.

You can see the look of love - and they both have the same smile :)

Trainer and owner soul-shake

Two Princes

Queeny and Queally share a moment

Ronnie Wood meets someone with fuller lips than Mick Jagger

Characters

The Irony

After years of stalking, I meet Brazil

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

I'm going to start making more than just mental notes of referees' names and their disconcertingly frequent penchant for ignoring the laws of Association Football, particularly whilst in charge of the proceedings on-pitch at Leyton Orient's Brisbane Road.  

Coote: Cunte

I got 2 right, didn't I?  No.

Two have stuck out in recent weeks: David Coote (left) officiating in the middle of our Tuesday night defeat to AFC Bournemouth a few weeks ago; and Oliver Langford (right) who was so so awful yesterday that home and away fans alike joined vocally together to berate him with a round of "YDKWYD" after he gave us a goal kick when it was clearly a Sheffield United corner, ignoring his assistant referee who was vigorously waving his flag to indicate that the ball had deflected at least 20 degrees off of a red-socked lower-leg.

If you have any rogue refs to add to the gallery, let me know.  I will try to report more comprehensively on the inadequacy of lower-league officials as the rest of the season unfolds - they really do seem to want to ruin it for everyone. 

DP